The Strength in Submission: A Christian Woman’s Guide to a Balanced Relationship

The word submission triggers thoughts of silence, subservience or erasure among many women

Submission. It's one of the most emotionally charged and misunderstood word in Christian vocabulary, particularly in the context of marriage. The word submission triggers thoughts of silence, subservience or erasure among many women. But what if submission, rightly understood, is not weakness but strength in action?

In a world of extremes, where some reject submission entirely and others misuse it to dominate, Christian women today are navigating a more grounded path: This path represents both the essential teachings of Scripture and the inherent worth of womanhood.

1. What Submission Is, and Isn’t

Paul teaches in Ephesians 5, writing, "wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord". But he also says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ”.  In this passages, Paul encourages partnership instead of dominance.

Biblical submission is not about inferiority, servitude, or suppression of individual intellect, voice nor abilities. It is not blind obedience. True submission is a voluntary commitment, it is a sign of respect, strength and partnership, reflecting Christ’s humility instead of cultural suppression.

Christ’s submission to God’s will during the Gethsemane event showed strength rather than weakness. It was power surrendered for love. That’s the model.

True submission is a voluntary commitment, it is a sign of respect, strength and partnership, reflecting Christ’s humility instead of cultural suppression

2. Strength Looks Like Listening

Strength is a form of submission because it requires discernment. A godly wife does not abandon her mind at the altar but instead sharpens it. She carefully evaluates her decisions and expresses her concerns in clarity and courage.

Strong submission says, “I trust your leadership, but I am here to help you lead well”. It's not passivity, it's partnership. A woman’s insight is a gift, not a threat.

Priscilla taught Apollos and her husband Aquila, in Acts 18 and she typically receives precedence in biblical texts, which shows her spiritual power and wisdom. That’s submission and strength, working together.

A godly wife does not abandon her mind at the altar but instead, she sharpens it.

3. Mutuality in Practice

In Christian marriage, partners move together in harmony instead of one partner ruling over the other. Mutual submission creates room for her voice to be heard alongside her needs and her purpose. It’s about asking: "How can we show mutual respect while serving each other and guide one another to follow Christ?"

A wife who submits from a place of strength creates an atmosphere for her husband to lead with love. A husband who models his love for his wife after Christ’s love for the Church will understand submission as something of honour, rather than something he demands.

A wife who submits from a place of strength creates an atmosphere for her husband to lead with love

4. Protecting the Vision, Not the Ego

There's a difference between submitting to a husband and submitting to dysfunction. If a man's leadership results in harm, fear or spiritual confusion, then submission does not require silence. Godly submission is rooted in truthfulness, not maintaining appearances.

It’s okay to set boundaries. It’s okay to speak up. Submissive strength involves discernment on when to follow commands and knowing when to pause for recovery, guidance, or assistance.

Godly submission is rooted in truthfulness, not maintaining appearances

5. A New Picture of Partnership

Leading like a woman in marriage means reclaiming submission rather than eliminating it. It’s to say: "I will serve with strength. I will follow with wisdom. I will honour with boundaries. I will anticipate receiving the same level of respect in return".

A good man embraces the strength of a powerful woman. He values her. A powerful woman leads with support and love. This is not submission that shrinks. It’s submission that builds marriages, homes, legacies.

A good man embraces the strength of a powerful woman. He values her. A powerful woman leads with support and love

Reflection

What would change if we stopped seeing submission as a threat to strength, and started seeing it as a form of it?

If Christian womanhood in marriage isn’t about choosing between dignity and devotion — then maybe it’s about holding both, with grace.

Recommended Reads

1. Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul by John & Stasi Eldredge. A powerful look at the desires of a woman’s heart and how they align with God's design — including within relationships.

2. Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy? by Gary ThomasA foundational book that reframes marriage as a spiritual journey and partnership rooted in God’s purpose.

3. The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller and Kathy Keller. A biblically grounded and intellectually rich guide to understanding mutual submission, covenant, and gender roles in marriage.

4. Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Based on Ephesians 5:33, this book offers a practical framework for mutual honor in marriage through understanding men’s need for respect and women’s need for love.

5. A Wife After God’s Own Heart by Elizabeth George. A gentle and encouraging book for Christian women who want to honour God and nurture a balanced, faith-filled marriage.